Allow me to preface this post by saying that I’ve been living on my own since I was 18.
I lived with roommates throughout university, some of which were awesome and became my best friends, some of which remained roommates and we didn’t necessarily have each other’s backs in the same way. We each did our own thing and came and went as we pleased.
I’ve always had my own space and think of myself as a rather independent person. At 22 years old, I picked up and moved across the world to Korea and lived by myself. At 23 years old, I embarked on a trip to Vietnam and Cambodia, travelling by myself.
Three years ago I came back to Canada and moved in with my boyfriend, and that’s where it all began.
Since we’ve been living together, my degree of independence has certainly decreased, partly due to my own fault and partly because my husband (oh yeah, we got married) spoils me. While I definitely enjoy my “alone time” and being by myself, his presence in our home is so comforting and something I have come to rely on. If I truly want to feel safe at home, he needs to be here.
Please forgive me if I just made you gag over your keyboard.
Doing my thing during the days, even going to sleep at night when M is out of town -- no worries, I can manage just fine.
Yesterday was a very much needed work day and I got really into the blogging zone. But when I tweeted this at three in the afternoon I knew it was time to pick up my game.
Today is one of those days where it feels like an accomplishment to shower and put on clothes. Sadly I've done only one of those things— Danielle (@TheLifestylePrj) November 13, 2013
And herein lies the problem -- when it comes time to shower and I’m home alone, these irrational fears start creeping their way through my brain. It’s been getting worse especially over the past year to the point where I have to talk myself into putting on facewash and sudsing up with my eyes closed in the shower. When did I turn into this person?!
I double checked that the deadbolt was on (despite that meaning I would lock my husband out of the house if he came home early). I double checked that the two locks on the balcony door were engaged. Yet still, at the slightest peep, out pops my head from behind the shower curtain listening with all my might to hear if somebody is in the house. I mean, what am I going to do while naked in the shower anyway?
I’ve lived alone, I’ve travelled alone, I never ever watch horror movies, so where did this irrational fear come from?
Ugh, it’s so annoying, I know I’m being ridiculous, I’ve never even been robbed or anything like that! Does anyone else share these irrational fears? Any techniques that you’ve used to overcome them? Help a sista out!
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hahaha! I have been staying at my sister's house, which has a million huge windows and no curtains, and I will wake up in the middle of the night and hear a noise and wish I had my husbands gun (which I hate) and try to plan out what I would do if there was a robber in the house... I think we are just being paranoid. Maybe get a dog? haha :)
ReplyDeleteTotally paranoid! Such a dumb problem to have but I can't turn my brain off :( I'll definitely be getting a dog once we've finished up with our next round of travels and move into military housing!
DeleteOh no! That does not sound good and I honestly don't have any suggestions on what to do. No lie, it's pretty funny from my view but I'm sure not so much on yours. I think having a pet like a dog, cat, snake or monkey will help a bit. :-)
ReplyDeleteMo
BTW, loving the GIF of Jennifer Lawrence! :-)
DeleteIt's kind of funny from my point of view too, trust me I can see how ridiculous I'm being. But I think that yes, a pet monkey will surely help to solve my issues hehe
DeleteBe thankful it's only the shower. I have that *exact same* irrational fear (but it stems from my sister having her face an inch from mine when I opened my eyes after shampooing as a kid) AND about a million others...I am going to SUCK at being home alone (is this why I still live at home at 30?) LOL
ReplyDeleteI probably would have been scarred as well if someone did that to me! Did your sister torture you like that regularly or was it a special one-time kinda thing? I remember you telling me about the mirror thing too... :S
DeleteMaybe you should see a therapist. Sometimes it helps to talk it out. I've noticed that I get nervous in the shower alone too but not to the point that I'm scared to do it. I hope you conquer your fear!
ReplyDeleteThank you Candice! :) I don't think I'm at the point where I need to speak to a therapist so hopefully I can stick to mind over matter and conquer that bitch!
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